watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
