dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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