if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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