Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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