I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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