you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
