Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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