I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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