Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
