new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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