I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
