drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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