Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
