5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
