This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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