Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
