holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
