before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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