Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
