btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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