just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
