he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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