so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
