based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
