I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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