This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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