I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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