I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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