You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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