She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
