If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
