I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
