this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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