I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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