1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
