I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
