the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
