i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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