I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
