Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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