my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
