You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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