i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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