She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
two words...techno handjob
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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