if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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