A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Everclear isn't food dammit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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