i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
