how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
