Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
