I cockslap morals
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
