Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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