Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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