Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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