she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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