Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
