In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
