He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
