why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
