You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
