"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
