i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
