dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
